her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
