I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
