ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
