Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
