it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
