we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
