you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
