I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
