if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We had to coat check the pizza.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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