sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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