I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
its not stalking. its research.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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