I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
