Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
