I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
