she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
