i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
