hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
