I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
