ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
