Need sex. Gaining weight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
