There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
