Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
