Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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