What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
