the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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