he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
