I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
