found the other keg... it's in the tree
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
