Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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