Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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