I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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