Already got asked if we're dating
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
