I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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