do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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