she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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