hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
