if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just cropdusted the office
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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