why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
