cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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