Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
