His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
