JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
