He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
