so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
