the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
