i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
where does the pee come out of this thing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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