The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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