Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
