Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
