I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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