Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
