I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
